Inside the homoerotic mind of a Ginger

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I value Facebook for many reasons, but my hands-down, number-one reason for loving this website are the stupid people who post their innermost thoughts and feelings via “Notes.” It makes me happy. Observe the following, taken from a certain red-haired, acne-scarred individual who will remain anonymous (sort of). The bold bits are my thoughts, but they also point out what is so hilariously sad about this man’s existence. See if you can spot the particularly homosexual parts.

Cornell College has been like chutes and ladders for me. I knew this would be funny right away. Metaphors are always wonderfully crap. Oh, wait, is this a simile? Wait, never mind, fuck it, I don’t care. First semester, was mainly chutes with me falling down and not so many ladders to climb onto. Many reasons contributed to this, but mainly I had a hard time finding a niche of friends that I could hang out with and have a good time. The important parts of this sentence are in bold.
I thought I found groups of friends (at least three groups) Three? Was he keeping count? How did he group them? “People Who Let Me Sit Near Them, People Who Make Brief Eye-Contact, People Who Are Forced to Talk to Me Because we Live Together”? but they weren’t. In these cases, I was hanging out with them, thinking that they wanted to hang out, but they didn’t want to hang out with me and left me on the road, looking for a different path (wtf).
For me, not having a good group of friends is very hard on me. I can go through school, tennis and work but there is still an empty spot in my heart where friends are occupied and when I don’t have any, it really does get to me. I was very depressed my first semester year. My former roommate was the only person I called my friend. (He didn’t like you, either) Slowly, I was building some friendships, on my intramural team I joined, the Ramballs. These people were nice and let me join and hang out with them. First semester, due to my depression, I didn’t hang out with them that much and that they were all in Pffier (mostly) and I was in Rorem. I’m glad he can spell. Pffier?? What the hell is that?? Pffier is the sound you make when someone punches you in the stomach for being incredibly stupid and posting your feelings on a social networking site. Pfeiffer, on the other hand, is where the sad sacks like this note-writer live on campus.

Then, the incident happened after winter break, and that was the longest chute I had encountered so far (Rumor has it, he called someone a whore). The result of the incident was that I moved into Tarr, a dorm a lot closer to Pffier (there’s that sound again), and I began to realize that these friends on the Ramballs were great people and hung out and ate dinner with them more and more often. So, after falling down, (not literally, unfortunately, but I would definitely try to trip or shove this individual) I found a ladder and have been rising ever since. I have found my group and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I trust these people, and I feel the vice-versa is true. This whole thing is an Elton John song waiting to happen.

Second semester has been infinite times better (what the hell does this mean??), and I am not depressed. My depression was due to not having friends I can trust. Then, the axe fell about three weeks ago. Again, not literally. Unfortunately.

Cornell raised the tuition by 4 or 6 percent; I forgot the exact figure. Well, anyway I was thinking about the money issue and here is the harsh truth: I am going to transfer to University of Iowa this upcoming fall solely for financial reasons. Right now, I have my $10,000 a year scholarship, so deducting that (including tuition increase), Cornell now costs $26,000 a year while Iowa is $14,000 a difference of $12,000 a year.
I was and am responsible for books and spending each year, which is approx. $1000 +/- at Cornell. Also, I was supposed to pay for my senior year on my own (tuition and room/board included). All together at Cornell, all four years, I would owe about $30,000. So, I would have to come up with $25,000 by my senior year (I already saved $5,000).
My parents are paying the college costs (tuition/housing) for the first three years. Initially, my parents were willing to pay an extra $5,000 a year to allow me to attend Cornell. Now, that the price has jumped to $12,000 more each year, it’s alot of money. I save $12,000 a year by attending Iowa. That’s a lot of money. With that money, I can afford a car, go to grad. school and study abroad. After hearing this devastating news, I went to the Scholarship Office at Cornell to see what my options are. The lady (she has a name, you pompous tool, and I’m sure she was thrilled to tell your rich ass that you don’t qualify for the grant and scholarship money reserved for students who actually -need- it) told me that I only qualify for a$10,700 because of FAFSA, and my scholarship takes most of that away. I told her my predicament, and she told me about the Stafford Loan. Even if I use the loan all four year, I get $19,000. I still owe, personally, $6,000 and my parents owe a lot too. Plus, it’s a loan, let’s not forget that. There is a 6.8% interest rate on it. That means after six months of graduating Cornell, I would owe $232 a month for the next ten years!!! There is nothing else Cornell is offering me. I am stuck. I have no choice to leave Cornell and attend the University of Iowa next year.
I know I am leaving, but I am planning on purchasing a used car this summer and since Iowa City is only 30ish minutes away from Mt. Vernon, I can still visit my friends at Cornell. I would like to say I am sorry. I didn’t want this to occur, but it has. I have to move on. I will miss the classes (OCCAT!!!!), tennis (great coach, great teammates), and my friends. This is one of my hardest decisions in my life but I am going through with it. I will miss you guys terribly so her at Cornell. I have had some of best memories at Cornell.

I will always remember little Mt. Vernon. Puke.
If you want to talk about this in person, feel free to call me.
PS: Some of you know that I applied to be an RA. If I get that, I will decline it.
Also, Jake Czaja never checks his facebook, so he isn’t my friend on FB but is in real life. So Jake would be tagged in this note.

hahahahh

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