Today I decided to embark on a mission. A mission that you could only even begin to think up while sitting on your bed in panties and a tank top at 5pm on a Sunday. I decided to find a picture. A picture that, if found, would be very dear to me. I wanted a picture of a bear fighting a small dog.
I turned to my old friend Google for this. I know some nerd is probably sitting in his boxers touching himself to some chick dressed as an elf right now, berating me for giving the responsibility of this epic quest to Google. I’m sure as you orgasm, dear nerd, you shout something like “She should have used Flickrrrrrrrrrrrrr”.
To this I respond “Stop jacking it to an elf you sick fuck”.
But I digress. I began my journey with high hopes. For personal reasons, the sight of a bear fighting a small dog would bring laughter to myself and a select group of people. Instead of laughter, I found incredibly depressing pictures. For all you fellow bear/small dog enthusiasts, I have come to realize that the picture I was hoping to find doesn’t exist. What does exist, and in great numbers, are pictures of sad looking dogs missing skin.
While this was not something I particularly enjoyed having thrust in my face, I did go to one of the websites that contributed a good number of pictures. This brought me to a list of things they were asking people to donate. At the top of the list was something i was not expecting: Super Glue.
What exactly are these people doing? Is it really possible to super glue an animal back together? If this is the case, why have I been going to the doctor all these years when I could have gone down to the Hardware Store and have some guy with a hairy ass sticking out of his jeans glue me back together?
This particular website pissed me off anyway. They tried to depict the pitbull as a noble, gentle, family friendly animal. The author went so far as to say “the pitbull is a victim of circumstances. They have been bred to be vicious.” To me that’s like saying, sharks are the victim of circumstances. They’re retarded and mistake surfers for seals. Or, yeah, the lion ate that small child, but to be fair it hadn’t eaten in hours.
Bottom line. Pitbulls are assholes. Don’t even fucking pretend like they’re not. If you want someone to protect your vault of precious jewels, yeah, consider a pitbull. If you have an infant and you’re looking for a family pet, don’t buy something that will eat the kid.
2 Comments
April 7, 2008 at 12:22 pm
What the hell?? The Internet is, like, gigantic and you couldn’t find one, single picture of a bear fighting a dog? That’s bullshit. But then again, maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t find anything. You could give the Pekingese nightmares.
April 7, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Fuck You!