Fuck you again, Cornell.

So two nights ago I got drunk and fell in a hole while walking to a Wigwam. Apparently, doing that is not good for your feet because I broke one of them. Yep, I broke my fucking foot…AND just in case that wasn’t fun enough, there’s also a fracture in there somewhere. So, Hobblee McHobbling [...]

Fuck my life.

So my roommate (who is henceforth to be known as “Bear”) thought it would be really hilarious to buy something called a “Diet Piggy” (re: oxymoron) and stick it in the minifridge. Oh, how I laughed when, upon opening the door to get a pickle, I found myself berated by squeals and obsense oinking noises. [...]

Inside the homoerotic mind of a Ginger

I value Facebook for many reasons, but my hands-down, number-one reason for loving this website are the stupid people who post their innermost thoughts and feelings via “Notes.” It makes me happy. Observe the following, taken from a certain red-haired, acne-scarred individual who will remain anonymous (sort of). The bold bits are my thoughts, but [...]

Thank you, Cornell.

Today Is: Seal Awareness Day.  Become aware of our mildly adorable marine friends today
More hilarity from the Cornell College newsletter. This will be very helpful if and when a tornado comes down:
In the event of a severe weather warning, students should take the following precautions:

Move to inner hallways or inner stairwells, [...]

Fuck sports.

Today Is: Teenager Day, and also Single Parent Appreciation Day.  What idiot put these two on the same day.  Teenagers and Single parents fucking hate each other.
I usually begin these rants in my head with the question, “Who invented ____ anyway?? Kill them.” But today I would like to expand my thinking to answer the [...]

Students are advised to be watchful and report any suspicious activity.

ThThe above was in an e-mail from Cornell regarding Spring Break precaution. What I want to know is this: why aren’t we reminded to do these very things in any case?? Cornell College is, after all, a sketchy place. The admissions staff likes to go on and on about how we’re on the National Historic [...]

Coming soon to a theater near you

Today is: Kidney Appreciation Day
The following, taken from a NY Times movie review of Horton Hears a Who, is all the incentive I need to see this movie:
“All kinds of extraneous elements are added to the story. The Mayor of Who-ville, voiced by Steve Carell, is a beleaguered dad who has trouble communicating with his [...]

Pictures to come!

Today is: Alfred Hitchcock Day
At the scene of any crime, it is important to have photographic evidence of the illegal activity that has taken place. Thus, I give you the pictures some complete fool went around taking during today’s garbage paw-through. Aren’t I a lucky, lucky girl? I’m pretty sure I just stood around hating life [...]

Garbage man

I think it became clear in my earliest post that I am now, effectively, a garbage woman. At the very least, I have something in common with the overall-wearing folks who take our trash bags away and, in the process, kick the can into the neighbor’s yard. Last Tuesday afternoon found me ankle-deep in the [...]

Ode to a Compost Heap

O Heap O’ Compost! Sitting on some gravel
How cold and brown you are.
O Heap O’ Compost! Why must I constantly stand
In your shadow, staring at a seagull
As it circles your stinky mound?
O Heap O’ Compost! Doth I dare to Hate you?
O Heap O’ Compost, what a rotten field trip
You are.
(fin)